till my fingers bleed
14/08/2011I have a friend who recently wrote a post where he just wrote. Whatever came to mind. After reading the post it gave me a feeling of release, and I feel that the exercise would be something nice for me to do. So, here goes.
What do you mean I need to have another morning available? I made this class schedule over half a year ago…you decide to change you policy now? Sure, I was able to find a change that may (if I am able to get one of the 2 available seats open) work, but still, you cant be even a little lenient? For being a place that is suppose to focus on the knowledge of its employees you really don’t seem to give a damn about mine. I understand that I am just a part timer, and plenty of people would love to have the hours I get, but still, I have been there for almost 3 years of my life, I quit my other job for you…I do plenty of extra work that really isn’t needed. I made more at the other job to, did you know that? But I would prefer to work at a place where I can share my knowledge, a place that I thought cared for that. And now I get to go on a plane by myself…two actually, hell, 4, since I have to come home to. How will this work out? And not only that, but I will be at a location hours away, with no person that I know. This will be a new experience to say the least. I think it will be good for me, asides from going through the whole plane ride alone…Maybe I will just drink myself into a stupor. Sure, a hangover prob wont look good for the 8 hour class I get the next day…and the next, for 5 days total. But that will be one kick ass paycheck for that…Hell, approx 60 hours on the check…Will be more then double any check that I have gotten in the last year. Will be nice to go one month without having to touch my savings. Oh, savings…I am not doing so good with that term. Sure, I do have a lot more left then I thought I would at this point…but with that idea I am constantly using that money for temporary self satisfaction. Really, $70 in a night, wasted on alcohol and food…Not really needed, at all. But I continue to do it…Once school starts back up, fuck, in 2 weeks, I won’t have time for anything really. Even though I am only taking 3 classes, for a total of 12 credits, it is costing me the same amount as the other semesters…What the hell…and $200 for books…and still need to get the req book list for my 3rd class. Kind of ridiculous. I mean, who sets these damn prices? Specially for books that are replaced every year, when no real new information is put in…So damn dumb. I tried to find downloads of the ebooks online, but had no such luck. At least last semester I was able to get about 4 books online. Saved me around $50. Pretty nice. I would really like to take this “vacation” I have been trying to take for over a year now. I really would like to visit my friend in person. Maybe its good that I am doing this work thing by myself now. It will kind of prepare me to be alone in a strange place, since I can’t expect my friend to keep me company for the whole time, 24/7. I love my friends. I realized just how important they are to me the other day. They truly do care about me, and I truly care about them. Sure, family is there for you no matter what, but you choose your friends, and you have to earn the right to be your friend. If you don’t deserve them then you will definitely loose them. But even with my awesome friends, and yes, my awesome family (for the most part) I would like to have someone more then that in my life. Its been almost 2 years from when I had a meaningful relationship, and I would really like to have someone in my life that I can share anything with, and have them feel that they can share anything with me. I really do take after my Dad in that sense…I feel best when I have others around be, and even more so when I am in a working relationship…And like him, even if it isn’t so great for me.
I can’t think of much more to write at this point, but I do feel a lot better just getting these things down on digital paper.